We get that Hollywood is a young man or woman’s game, and that the pressure to look 20 when you’re 40 and 15 when you’re 75 is something we’ll never encounter. And we’re okay with that because if there’s any chance that our mugs will get mangled like any of the celebs on the subsequent pages, no thanks. But it’s not just celebrities.
According to 2013 data from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, there were 15.1 million cosmetic procedures performed, 1.7 million of which were surgical. The top five: boob job (290,224), nose job (221,053, eyelid surgery (215,641), liposuction (199,817, and facelift (133,320).
During his transformation from Bruce Jenner to Caitlyn Jenner, we’re sure all of those and about 3,000 other procedures were done. More power to her and to each his or her own (or vice versa). Of course, Jenner isn’t the first, nor will he be the last, person to overdo it with the plastic surgery. Whether it’s the quest to look forever young or an attempt to stay young and relevant, Jenner isn’t the only person whose altered appearance is startling.
#1. Tara Reid
Before Sharkado and its sequel Tara Reid was struggling to reclaim the level fame that she found with the American Pie films. How on earth would someone whose acting skill could fit into a thimble do such a thing? She’s mutilate her body, of course! Spoiler alert — things didn’t go well. Particularly in her midsection. That fact wasn’t lost on her. She admitted one surgery “completely butchered” her body. She has yet to comment on her awful boob job. We’ll keep you posted.
After more work, she seems to have ironed out the issues, although the bruise on her left knee looks pretty harsh …
#2. Axl Rose
Somewhere between the boozing and snorting, Gun N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose hit the accelerator on aging. In the 1980s he was a skinny dude with long hair. Now in his 50s, Rose sports a bloated face and bad porn ‘stache. We’re happy to see that despite the passage of time, he continues to wear a necklace that’s so long it could double as a jumprope. Just to pound the point home, here’s another pic from Rose in 2012 …
#3. Kathleen Turner
Costarring with Michael Douglas in 1984’s Romancing the Stone, Turner was smoking hot. But that was also 30 years ago. Now in her 60s, Turner looks … well, like she’s a woman in her 60s. That paired with a struggle with rheumatoid arthritis, which eventually led her to too much booze and too many pills — took is toll on her appearance. She’s since cleaned up her act and has insisted she’s never gone under the knife.
#4. Lindsay Lohan
Yes, age is one thing, but so is pounding beers, cigs, and, allegedly, plenty of cocaine. Her struggles with substance have been outlined by numerous outlets, and her heavily airbrushed nude pics from Playboy didn’t help change public opinion that the Lohan was a train wreck in need of help. After avoiding jail and serving sham community service assignments, Lohan fled to England. She currently lives there, and we’re happy to sign a Petition.gov to keep her there.
#5. Renee Zelwegger
Since turning up in October 2014 after a hiatus from the spotlight, something looked … different about 45-year-0ld Renee Zelwegger. Turns out, it had nothing to do with crazy expensive facial reconstruction. Don’t be silly. According to her, it’s all due to healthy living. Seriously, that was her explanation. Next thing you know she’ll be claiming she stays thin with assistance from the Shake Weight.
#6. Macully Culkin
Nobody expected little Kevin McCallister from Home Alone to stay cute forever. However, we think it’s safe to say that most people didn’t think he’d turn out to look so gaunt and gruff, either. As the story goes, Culkin allegedly turned to drugs and pills after girlfriend of eight years Mila Kunis dumped him. After reporting to rehab, he traded a drug habit for a far healthier 60-a-day-cigarette habit. Even trade.
#7. Portia de Rossi
When the highly anticipated forth season of Arrested Development was released in May 2013 it wasn’t the comedic writing, cameos, or plot lines that had people buzzing; it was Portia de Rossi’s 180-degree turn from attractive blonde women to … attractive blonde woman who did something to her face. Some people speculated that de Rossi had rhinoplasty, a brow lift, filler injections, and Botox; others claimed it was subtle joke AD creator Mitch Hurwitz slipped into the show. We’re going with the former.
#8. Lil Kim
We’re not even trying to be cruel, but we seriously have no idea what the hell happened. All we can surmise is that within a short period of time she was possessed by an alien from The Thing and extraterrestrials now live among us. That or she has an awful surgeon.
#9. Janice Dickinson
Booze, drugs, and a surgeon who wields a knife like a lance have turned the world’s first supermodel into someone with a permanent duck face.
#10. Mickey Rourke
Great for roles like The Wrestler but bad when you compare photos to what he looked like before his face was hit with a skin grenade.
#11. Dolly Parton
Not that you need this pointed out, but her face isn’t the only thing that underwent some enhancement.
#12. Whitney Houston
It’s still kind of fresh, so we’re not going to pile on here. However, as they say, a picture is worth a 1,000,000,000,000 words.
Yeah, she dropped a few pounds. But we’re not sure what’s worse — being slightly overweight (and being a alcoholic rage monster) or needing to anchor yourself down when the wind blows. It’s going from one extreme to the next, but it’s also about whatever her PR reps tell her to do in order to remain relevant. Gain weight, lose weight, say this, don’t say that. Love her or hate her, she’s good at following those directions and stretching that 15 minutes.
#14. Sharon Osbourne
You know something’s up when someone looks younger when they’re older … and looks twice as hot as their youngest daughter.
#15. Pam Anderson
She certainly looks different than she did in that movie she starred in with Tommy Lee. Remember that one? Of course you do.
#16. Michael Jackson
Actually, we take it back. He didn’t have any work done. No way.
The upside? She looks better in 2013 than she did in 2009.
#18. Kim Kardashian
We just aren’t down with the porcelain doll look.
#19. LaToya Jackson
She couldn’t dance, sing, or mangle her face as well as her brother.
#20. Lara Flynn Boyle
Even her neck looks angrier.
#21. Julie Chen
The former news anchor has a hot lead on a story — women who no longer look like themselves.
#22. Jonah Hill
He’s funnier when he’s fatter. There, we said it. Still, when you lose weight for a role — wait, did he lose the weight for a role? — it’s totally understandable. But if you’re looking to be as skinny as a mailbox post for the sake of being as skinny as a mailbox post, that’s another story.
#23. Jennifer Grey
The hair looks simliar though, so there’s that.
#24. Donatella Verace
At least the dress looks nice.
#25. Wayne Newton
Damn, this dude’s eyes always looked shut.
#26. Steven Tyler
We can hear you humming “Dude looks like a lady” right now.
#27. Priscilla Presley
It’s hard to diss Mrs. Frank Drebin but it’s also hard not to notice the metamorphosis.
#28. Heidi Montag
We know, it’s low-hanging fruit. But when you have pontoons for breasts and a face that looks far worse than your old, original face, you deserve a call-out.
#29. Carrot Top
At least he didn’t laser off his freckles, but that might be next.