Most of the porn you’ll watch in the future may very consist of threesomes: a dude, a woman, and a condom. Newly passed legislation makes condom use mandatory while filming adult movies in Los Angeles — and that includes the San Fernando Valley, which is the nation’s unofficial porn capital. Health officials have hailed the landmark vote, saying it’ll prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases; the multibillion-dollar porn movie industry claims movie sales will go flaccid, and has threatened to relocate.
Still, whether you opt to wrap it up with a plain old boring latex, lubless condom of one of the novelty condoms we found, the point is, protect your little soldier. Recent studies have shown that wearing one doesn’t really diminish the pleasure of sex as
every some guys claim. Although, we understand that even the slightest barrier can impede the sensation, but it’s not that drastic. And even if it were, we’d rather sacrifice the intensity of an orgasm than have to walk around with STDs, including HIV or viral hepatitis, or a kid we don’t know about until he’s 23 years old and broke.
One last tip before you get the tip wet: don’t keep your condoms in your wallet. As the CDC warns, doing so can lead to excessive heat and friction, which can damage them.
Anyway, all this condom talk was really just an excuse for us to go looking for …
Cool Condoms For Your Junk
These will be enjoyed by either a chick who’s really cool, or by a gay dude who’s … well, really cool.
#2. Night Light Condoms ($8 for 12 @ Amazon.com)
Ever wanted to play Star Wars with your penis? Of course you have. Just make sure when you Mellinum Falcon hits warped speed you give youself ample time to pull out before crashing.
#3. My Face Condoms ($32 for 25)
If you show these to your buddies, you’re a hilarious goofball who knows how to have a good time. If you show these to a woman, you’re a potential serial killer. You’ve been warned.
#4. Finger Condoms ($17 for 24 @ Amazon.com)
These are fantastic for 1) guys who are hung like ants, and 2) guys with awful hand-washing hygiene.
#5. Kamasutra Condoms ($26 for 64)
They tell women that you’re an art lover who is also good about making plans. What a catch!
#6. Occupy Condoms ($12 for 30)
Unfortunately, the wrapper implies that 1. you don’t want to have sex, 2. if you do have sex, you won’t be concerned about her needs, and 3. there’s always a 1 percent chance that she’s going to get preggers. In other words, much like the Occupy movement itself, these could use better packaging.
#7. Palin Protection Condoms ($4.50 each @ Amazon.com)
We’re not sure where the condom makers are coming from here, but that photo will undoubtedly give a certain kind of conservative dude a boner
#8. Condometric (Email for price)
If the look on her face doesn’t give you a good measure of her disappointment, you can now literally get a good measure of her disappointment.
#9. I Love You Condom Pops ($7 for 6 @ Amazon.com)
They’re coolest condoms that tell her that you’re a sexual deviant with a soft side.