Life-Size, Drivable Mario Kart

JAKKS Pacific and Nintendo are rolling out a Life-Size Mario Kart Ride-On Vehicle. Yessssssss! My $200 dream car is battery powered and equipped with off road tires, brakes, a seat belt, plus the car makes sounds from the game. Cool! Wait — *reading product description* maximum weight limit of 70 pounds? You mean this shit is for children? WT actual F, people. A, number 1, I have been waiting for this my whole life. You’re trying to say that some kid who’s barely even put in any time on this planet is gonna come swoop in and live my dream? B, number 2, maaaaan I cannot fit in nor can I afford this. Being a grown up blows! That’s its, I’m going back to bed. Wake me up when you hear the ice cream truck coming.